


Surviving Society Is Not As Easy As It Sounds

by plagueful_winds



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, chatfic, i havent finished the game or the anime so forgive me for any plot mistakes, no beta we just die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29702514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plagueful_winds/pseuds/plagueful_winds
Summary: A chatfic, written at 1am.How *do* the island guardians have discord? Don't question it too much.(also i abbreviated the names bc i'm lazy, shh)Obligatory excerpt:TK: i think im gonna move inTK: these beans are fucking deliciousTB: NOTB: THE BEANS ARE A LIETB: DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE HUMANSTK: says the one who refuses to eat anything humans have even *touched*TK: srsly you should try the berry offerings sometimeTK: youve got at least one temple overrun by rattataTB: @Tapu Fini KOKO HAS BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE HUMANSTK: ffs bulu-
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Chosen One's Adventure with Legendaries](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27338626) by [Kinrah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinrah/pseuds/Kinrah). 



> Title by Inspirobot, that glorious thing.

Alola Legendaries Chat

#general-chat

TK: guys  
TK: i fucked up

TL: what.  
TL: what have you done now

TK: i  
TK: uh  
TK: ive been captured

TL: w h a t  
TB: how in the name of arceus did that even happen

TK: idk

TL: you're the melemele island guardian, you're not supposed to be caught like some random yungoos or something  
TL: please tell me you didnt get masterballed by some tourist

TK: uh  
TK: no i dont think so  
TK: pretty sure its a normal pokeball  
TK: not that i would know or anything

TL:  
TL: koko that's worse  
TL: @Tapu Bulu

TB: what  
TB: gdi koko  
TB: who caught you anyway

TK: idk didnt see em

TL: how  
TL: i  
TL: wha

TB: ?

TK: look i was just flying and something hit me in the head and here we are

TB: not even a battle  
TB: you got caught by a *normal* pokeball  
TB: at *full hp*  
TB: koko you are pathetic

TL: ugh  
TL: tell us when they let you out

TK: oh im out already actually  
TK: their mom just let me out  
TK: im in their house eating all their berries and shit  
TK: i think the mom is scared of me

TB: what

TL: my thoughts exactly

TK: i think im gonna move in  
TK: these beans are fucking delicious

TB: NO  
TB: THE BEANS ARE A LIE  
TB: DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE HUMANS

TK: says the one who refuses to eat anything humans have even *touched*  
TK: srsly you should try the berry offerings sometime  
TK: youve got at least one temple overrun by rattata

TB: @Tapu Fini KOKO HAS BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE HUMANS

TK: ffs bulu-

TF: who what why where how

TL: as the only one in this arceus-forsaken chat who has actual social skills and isnt a human-hating hermit, on a perpetual sugar rush, a total weeb, or probably literally dead, i'm gonna end this conversation right here

TF: what're you gonna do, come over and stop me?

TL: please do *not* make me do that

TF: ok reading up-  
TF: wrjnsadkuhjadn  
TF: LMAO

TL: say 'aye' if koko's an idiot

TB: aye

TF: aye

TK: yall are just jealous bc no one gives you beans

TL: anyways you're out now  
TL: where *are* you

TK: uh  
TK: somewhere on melemele  
TK: probably

TL:

TF: i bet anything from my collection that lele is banging her head against the wall rn

TB: look for a sign or something

TK: oh yeah theres some human road signs outside  
TK: too bad i can't read  
TK: one is shaped like a shield  
TK: maybe im in galar

TF: koko please stop before lele decides to commit oof

TK: okay  
TK: im somewhere near hau'oli  
TK: i can see the village  
TK: kinda

TB: so one of the locals caught you  
TB: knew they would turn on us eventually

TF: bulu no-  
TF: we still dont know what happened

TK: oh i think i hear the kahuna  
TK: what was his name  
TK: uh

TL: hala.  
TL: melemele's kahuna is kahuna hala

TB: you forgot the kahuna's name?  
TB: what kind of guardian are you?

TK: maybe i should retire then

TL: you're not allowed to do that.

TK: please?

TL: where are the mods when you need them ugh

TF: @Mods

[Bot] PZ: The mods are currently unavailable due to unforseen circumstances. Apologies for any inconvenience.

TF: meh worth a shot

TK: kahunas with some kid  
TK: looks kinda familiar  
TK: cant imagine why tho

TB: the time has come. the humans have turned on us, it is time for war.

TF: bulu please  
TF: youre a fkin hermit  
TF: cease your archaic ways

TB: no

TK: go home bulu, youre a boomer

TB: a what

TF: youre an old mon, bulu

TB: we are quadruplets

TK: you are old in spirit  
TK: wait a minute  
TK: i know that kid

TL: why

TK: i think i happened to catch them while saving the mods' useless child  
TK: smh nebby is pathetic

TF: careful they might smite you for that

TK: anyways  
TK: little shit took my shiny rock  
TK: i think they were at a festival?  
TK: idk  
TK: tl;dr rock thief

TF: that wouldve been like a week ago right  
TF: so uhh  
TF: yeah there was some kid who said they got a shining stone as a gift from you

TK: exCUSE ME  
TK: BULUSHIT.

TB:  
TB: i hate you beyond words

TF: hey that kid has discord  
TF: we could invite them

TL: no. we have no mods. we cant get rid of them if we ever need to  
TL: even if we could its just a bad idea

TF: i guess.

TK: yk i kind of feel like i should be telling you what the humans have been talking about

TL: yes you absolutely should be

TK: ok well i missed most of it  
TK: a lot of frustrated screaming from everyone involved  
TK: some bulushit about me choosing the kid or something

TB: bitch i am coming for you


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this, and then accidentally deleted it and rewrote it from memory. Sorry if some parts seem a little off.

Alolan Legendaries Chat

#general-chat

TK: you think bulu is ever going to show up

TF: nah  
TF: his sense of direction is even worse than yours

TL: so, mind telling us whats been going on with the humans?

TK: oh  
TK: about that

TL: what have you done now

TK: i left actually

TF: i thought you were eating all their food

TK: well i was  
TK: then this pikipek showed up  
TK: it was staring into my soul  
TK: so i jumped through a window and left

TL: you what

TK: jumped through a window  
TK: it was extremely painful

TL: because of a *pikipek*

TK: birds are terrifying okay

TF: says the one who looks like a giant chicken

TK: a what now

TL: a chicken is one of the unintelligent species that other regions raise for food

TK: never heard of it

TF: looks like a bland torchic

TK: your words wound me

TL: back to the important topics now  
TL: what did you hear the humans say before you left?

TK: probably nothing

TL: 

TK: yeah definitely nothing

TL: well then

TF: hey guys guess who just showed up at my place

TL: was it bulu

TF: no it was lunala

TK: whoa

TF: it was bulu, yes

TK: betrayed by one of my own  
TK: how could you

TL: she's been doing this for years now  
TL: you're just stupid

TK: stop im literally bleeding

TF: have a teaspoon of salt for your wounds  
TF: brb

TL: now that the chat has returned to some degree of normalcy  
TL: koko you should go to akala island  
TL: i can heal you

TK: nah  
TK: im going to spend all day stealing beans from peoples houses

TL: what kind of a guardian are you

TK: have you seen half the shit i do

TL: yes  
TL: you're a disgrace.

TF: i am going to fckin scream

TL: what happened

TF: bulu broke a bunch of my VERY EXPENSIVE AND RARE anime figures

TL: fini. i know what you are going to ask and the answer is no

TF: please  
TF: just one bag of scales  
TF: they sell for like zillions on pokebay

TL: do you *want* officer jenny to find you and arrest you for poaching?  
TL: because that would raise many questions not to mention further tarnish our reputation

TK: why dont you just sell your glorified fresh water

TF: i am not doing that, especially after The Incident

TK: right that thing  
TK: you were gone for a month, what happened

TF: let me just say  
TF: if you start having simps, run.  
TF: even if its just for a fake online persona  
TF: you should run  
TF: what you should not do  
TF: is start selling magical gamer girl bath water  
TF: even if it is actually 'magical'  
TF: ESPECIALLY if it is actually magical  
TF: do you understand that

TK: ok but what happened

TF: trust me, koko  
TF: you do NOT want to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Koko=Chicken joke was borrowed from this work:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23257819/chapters/55693990  
> by Tricksterity


	3. Chapter 3

Alolan Legendaries Chat

#general-chat

  
TF: you all are not going to believe this @Everyone

TL: what have you found

TF: possibly the worst pun i've ever heard in my entire life

TL: it can't possibly be worse than the last one, can it?

TF: ohh trust me  
TF: it can

TK: tell me

TL: i am looking away now ping me when its over

TF: ok get this  
TF: koko has a drink named after him

TK: @Tapu Lele

TF: "tapu cocoa"

TK: thats amazing thank you

TL: i hate it  
TL: and i hate you two almost as much for forcing me to read that with my own two eyes

TF: you are very welcome

TK: hey @Tapu Bulu are you dead

TB: of course not

TK: shame

TL: stop provoking him  
TL: as low as the chances are, he can still find you

TK: yeah and do what

TB: i can and will gore you

TK: sure you can

TL: this argument is pointless, let's not continue

TK: youre pointless

TB: how juvenile can you get  
TB: thats the most basic insult ive ever heard

TK: youre the most basic insult ive ever heard

TF: you two are on the exact same wavelength of stupidity and honestly its amazing

TK: pfft no im clearly smarter

TB: youve been illiterate almost as long as ive known you  
TB: the rest of us learned to read eons ago

TF: just wondering when *did* koko learn to read

TL: i dont think he  
TL: oh god oh fuck do not continue down this path

TF: and how do we even have internet access anyway

TK: hey did any of you hear that  
TK: sounded like a plothole opening

TL: yes, we know  
TL: i can see it from here  
TL: i think somethings coming through

TB: is it war time

TL: not yet, bulu. not yet.  
TL: looks like its the mods, actually

TF: THE MODS ARE BACK ONLINE

SO: Yes, we indeed are.

TK: holy shit

LU: we've got words for the lot of you.  
LU: for the record, we could actually see what you all have been doing while we were gone.  
LU: we're not impressed.

TL: I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG

TF: please dont take my anime away from me

TB: any acts of mass destruction and/or genocide which i may or may not have committed were probably koko's fault

TK: yeah i got nothing

LU: mkay  
LU: koko, you're fired.

TK: WHAT  
TK: YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME

LU: $ban @Tapu Koko

[BOT]PZ: Ban completed.

TF: damn, he was so freaked out that he finally found the shift key

TB: the what

TL: and would you look at that, the plothole closed.

TF: how much you want to bet that koko tries to fight the moon tonight

TL: we all know he's already going to

SO: Why exactly did anyone deem him fit to be a guardian in the first place?

LU: iirc the rest of the set passed the written exam and he was exempted cause he was illiterate  
LU: doesnt look like he attended the optional practical  
LU: so a loophole

SO: Alright. So no mistake firing him, then.

TF: he's been lowkey terrorizing melemele for centuries  
TF: they kind of see him as cryptic and mysterious tho, because they just can't comprehend the intense chaotic energy that flows through his very being

TL: ^accurate

LU: honestly i doubt that koko is going to stop doing whatever he was doing before  
LU: but to really punish him i was thinking about making cosmog the new guardian and just not telling the humans

TB: that would be sufficient vengeance.

SO: Cosmog being in this server would be against the Terms of Service, so one of you will just have to find it and tell it about its new job.

TF: not it

TL: not it

TB: what

LU: ight bulu you do it

TB: you're delegating jobs based on a children's game

SO: The ancient ritual of 'not it' is to be respected.

LU: do you wanna get fired too

TB: fine  
TB: i'll do it.

LU: good, cause i honestly dont know where we would find a second replacement anyway

TL: you realize that bulu has a horrible sense of direction, right?  
TL: i believe he once stated that the sun sets in the north

SO: Then one of you should escort him.

TL: not it

TF: dammit  
TF: see you in a few hours then ig

LU: ight  
LU: so, what's modern meme culture like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's this? plot?  
> also the ultra wormholes are plotholes because of course they are
> 
> NOTE 3/3/2021:  
> Sorry, I've kind of run out of dumb ideas to put into this. Thanks for almost 100 hits! I might update this someday if I get more ideas.  
> Until then, goodbye, good luck with your life, and if you need a sign from the universe, this can be it.


End file.
